2012, One Year From Today

"It's the final countdown"

A year ago today I wrote a post which attempted to sneak a glimpse at the world on December 21st 2012. 

to view click here  

A year has since past and much has changed, so I thought I would revisit this issue and see if, or how any changes have happened which point to the prophetic fulfillment of the Mayan predictions for that day.

-Euro meltdown causing a global financial meltdown: 50%

Like the collapse of Lehman Brothers in 2008, the eventual collapse of the Eurozone is likely to begin a Domino Effect cascading through financial markets leading to the ultimate collapse of our monetary system. It will be the end of the world as we know it, in that paper money, and credit will no longer be accepted as a proxy for energy and wealth.

-Solar Storms: 31%

As our sun reawakens to it's new eleven year solar maximum, we can expect some unprecedented x-class solar flares, any of which could be strong enough to wipe out telecommunications, power grids, Disney World etc…

-World War III : 28.5%

Yep, this is not a pleasant prospect to say the least, but with tensions mounting in Syria, and NATO planning to intervene, the conflict will likely draw in Iran, therefore Israel, therefore Russia and China, and with a nuclear armed Pakistan simmering to the south, the resource war to end all resource wars could be only a few short months away.

-Pole shift: 2%

We are overdue, long overdue, this natural phenomenon happens every 750 000 years, could this be the year???

-Comet or Asteroid strike 1.9%

Outer space is a BIG place, but this kind of shit is a common occurrence, we haven't experienced anything like this in a loooong time, another possibility which is long overdue.

-Alien Landing 0.4%

If they exist, it's safe to say they have been here since our inception as a species, in that they would need to be millions if not billions of years older than us in order to develop an understanding of physics and space time necessary to make such a voyage. Their 'arrival' would no doubt challenge much about our assumptions and belief systems we have used as coping mechanisms..it truly would be the end of the world as we know it.

-Return of the Flying Monkeys: 0.0000006%

It was 'just a movie' they said, 'couldn't happen in real life' they said, well I've got news for you, The Flying Monkeys from 'The Wizard of Oz' can, and COULD very well make their triumphant return, terrorizing peoples from Kuwait to Kansas. It's also highly unlikely, but ya never know?!

I stand by my final words in last years post, that SOMETHING will happen, and it will cause a paradigm shift of sorts. To those who believe in the Mayan Calendar prophecies, it's fulfillment will be obvious. To those who think it's a lot of bunk, they will continue to deny the incredible changes our world is undergoing, and refuse to believe the Mayan's foresaw any of this.

Total possibility of SOME major event happening: 113.8000006%

Dirty CT   December 2011

Requiem For A Heavyweight

As I like to remember him

Writer Christopher Hitchens passed away this week, and with his passing a void has been left in the lives of those he inspired, as well as those he antagonized.

He was the 'Atheist Messiah', a leader to the many followers who've devoted their lives to the 'Church of Argument', an 'anointed one' for those who worship at the alter of his 'cult of personality'. 

He so very much enjoyed using and abusing his great gift as a 'scathing polemicist'. He was so very skilled at eviscerating and nullifying the objects of his contempt, whilst maintaining his trademark 'matter of fact' disposition, poured over an icy glass of deadpan dismissive indifference, polished off with a strategic cough, sip of his drink or playful chuckle.

God I hated his pompous diatribes against God, and his attempts to pry open that rusty 'can o-worms' for profit, and his crusade to enlighten the unwashed masses to the evils of Religion and 'Islamo-Fascism', whilst invoking the resurrection of the most boring question in Philosophy since "is the glass half full or half empty".

He took pleasure in saying what had not yet been said, often ambushing us with his mercenary wit. And If he's 'moved on' to a better place, let's hope for his sake it resembles the 'Twilight Zone' than heaven forbid, Heaven… a place which he once referred to as a 'Celestial North Korea'!  

Isn't it only fitting how Kim Jong Il passed away just a few short days later? Perhaps God, Rod Serling or both, called on the only leader known who could restore any semblance of order after a weekend of Hitchens running amok. 

"Here's to your health"

Oh, and I would be remiss if I neglected to mention what an asshole he could be, and an alcoholic, addicted to a smorgasbord of substances ranging from nicotine to argument induced endorphins.

Despite my spite, I must acknowledge we have all become poorer without him. Oh, and speaking of 'poorer', he once had the audacity to call out that sacred cow Mother Theresa... only Hitchens, or an ass-wipe of the highest order, would dare criticize such a virtuous example of selfless compassion.

Now after a brief battle with cancer, we are left with a gaping hole in human discourse. There is one thing we can be grateful for though, and that's the fact we won't have Christopher Hitchens to push us around anymore.

Dirty CT   December 2011

Mary Celeste Revisited

"Then she appeared"

Finally, a proper explanation for the mystery of the ghost ship 'The Mary Celeste' has been put forward, 139 years too late, by none other than ME!

This American, 282-gros ton brigantine merchant ship, was found drifting in the North Atlantic on December 4th 1872 by a Canadian merchant ship, the 'Dei Gratia', near the Azores Islands. It was carrying 1,701 barrels of alcohol, a six months supply of food; It was NOT carrying it's lifeboat, passengers or crew.

There have been many theories which have attempted to explain exactly what happened aboard that ship, ranging from alcohol induced madness, mutiny, piracy, tsunamis, and 'sea quakes'. I'm not going to run through all the theories, as each one has been sufficiently posited, challenged and refuted.

I was surprised though, that there is no theory for what I feel is the obvious explanation of this maritime mystery, which is the possibility of 'stowaways'.

When the ship was discovered by Captain Moorehouse of the 'Dei Gratia', the boat was found drifting but still seaworthy, and listing slightly. None of the ship's precious cargo was noted missing, and the only things taken was a marine chronometer a sextant, and the ship's lone lifeboat.

When the ship was sailed to it's intended destination, Genoa Italy, nine of it's 1,701 barrels of alcohol/wine fortifier were found empty. Adding to the mystery was that the ship was not flying a distress signal, there was no mention of any problems in the Captain's logbook, there was a lot of water found between decks, including three and a half feet (1.1 m) in the hold. Only one of the ship's pumps was found operational (the other two having been disassembled). The peak halyard, used to hoist the main sail was missing, and later found tied tightly and trailing frayed in the water behind the boat.

'Sherlock CT' surmises that the nine 'empty' barrels had not been empty when the Mary Celeste had been docked on New York City's East River, on November 5th 1872. She sailed out of port under the command of Captain Benjamin Spooner Briggs, heading east to Europe and the straights of Gibraltar.

Those barrels either contained stowaways, extra cargo, or both, probably loaded deliberately by 'well paid' stevedores, perhaps at the insistence of their 'Boss' if you know what I mean.

Continuing my theory, the Stowaways on board were probably wealthy, and/or desperate to escape some personal 'trouble' in North America. It would be interesting to see if any persons of note went missing or were presumed dead in the months surrounding the Mary Celeste incident.

Once the vessel sailed within proximity of the Azores Islands, the Stowaways, with the use of any weapons they may have brought with them, forced the Captain and crew down the peak halyard tied perhaps to some kind of makeshift life raft. They then tried to sink the Mary Celeste using the pumps by pumping water into the ship, however once that scheme obviously failed, and since setting the boat ablaze was not an option (1,692 barrels of alcohol...Kaboom!), they made their hasty exit on the ship's lone 'Yawl' (lifeboat) using the stolen sextant and maritime chronometer, and set sail for the Azores where they would have either sank the life-boat upon arrival, used it to perhaps sail for the Barbary Coast of West Africa, or caught a lift with a local fishing vessel heading back to Portugal.

At any rate, the Stowaways did not want to be traced back to the ship in any way, therefore had little or no use for the Mary Celeste's cargo. The Mary Celeste's Captain and crew were left clinging to makeshift flotsam and probably drowned by high seas. The Stowaways had brought all the supplies they needed and enough cash to 'pay-off' any longshoremen or authorities necessary. Just a hunch?!


(oh, and they blew the rest of their money on 'Bitches and Hos' and lived happily ever after!)

'SHERLOCK CT' December 2011

In Search OF: The Mary Celeste

Un-Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Human Kingdom

A Leopard can't change his spots

Welcome to 'Un-mutual of Omaha's Wild Human Kingdom' and I'm your host Marlin Gherkin!

This week we look at the mating and spousal rituals of a species we're all too familiar with, The Occidental Human and the mating and dysfunctional relationships within it's complex habitat.

The 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male' strongly desires his 'Occidental Female Mutation' counterpart, and in order to ensure her chances of procreating, the newly mutated Occidental Female takes steps to make herself as 'irresistible' as possible to the Male. She accomplishes this by keeping a slim physique, wearing tight fitting and sometimes revealing clothing, whilst attempting to assert her own 'individuality' often by projecting a mystique, which usually incorporates strategic piercings, brazen tattoos, and by manifesting her own sense of 'personal style'. Another skill once used, but which is now in decline in occidental culture is our Female Mutation's cooking ability, and it's capacity to win over her Male through the weakness of his ravenous appetite…this decline is probably due to the plethora and availability of cheap fast food restaurants.

And because the mutated Female's imperative is to 'reproduce', she realizes that what she needs to accomplish her genetic mission boils down to TWO essential things: Sperm, and Resources… but now she has found her perfect match, the 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male'.

The Female Mutation knows the Occidental Male has been conditioned by his culture not to focus on the introspective thoughts of self-analysis, but instead by nurturing a mechanism which will prove to be his ultimate undoing, the fabrication and cultivation of his 'fragile ego'!  He begins to receive this validation once he's full grown and is able to afford buying a real version of the toy car, truck or motorcycle he once played with as a child.

The 'Occidental Female Mutation' also knows her male counterpart is generally weak in the face of his own desires. Her capacity to 'outlast' the Male of the species is well documented. She knows the 'Love' he feels for 'his woman', is only a natural mechanism developed throughout millions of years of evolution designed to keep him faithful to her, and in order to better maintain a cohesive family unit, whose stability is essential for the psychological and thus social 'well being' of 'HER' offspring.

In fact, the entirety of occidental culture revolves around the adoration of the Occidental Male, and the nurturing and construction of his fragile ego. Once this animal-human hybrid reaches maturity, he soon becomes the perfect dupe for a plan which stimulates global economic expansion, subjugating peoples of less developed cultures, whilst having a devastating impact on our planets ecosystem.

The Female Mutation's next step is to then become the 'object' of the Males desire. What she must now decide, is which kind of 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male' she wishes to attract...once she has decided on a 'type' (and there are many) she will then proceed to assume a sense of style she knows will attract the type of Occidental Male which best suits her needs.

She develops and perfects this technique in order to get 'him' to approach 'her', and once he does this, she can now feel free to proceed into a relationship with him, confidently knowing that it is SHE who has the 'upper hand'.

By returning his affections, and even showing an interest in his passions, she manages to pull off her 'coup d'etat' by gently inflating our 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male's' 'fragile ego', This act reinforces his delusional sense of self-importance and causes him to believe somehow she has selected 'him' above all other Males. Our Occidental Male then 'falls in love' with the Female Mutation, even to a point where his deterministic programming provides him with a feeling of possessiveness towards her.

Soon our couple enter into a relationship, which in turn leads to three things: a Marriage, a House, and/or Kids.

Once these deeds are consummated, our Occidental Male must be thinking he has won some kind of lottery, and has in no way any desire to change this 'perfect' system... oh, but that's until… 

The Female Mutation begins to 'change' dramatically, This is one of nature's most astounding metamorphosis'…as her 'true intentions' now begin to swell up from it's dormant home within murky depths of her sub-conscious mind, and on up to it's new home, at the very forefront of her newly realized 'Occidental Female Conscious Personae'.

The Female's interest in the Males 'passions' soon begins to wane, and it is now time for her to begin issuing her demands, These demands will often require the 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male' to do much 'unforeseen' labour, make uncomfortable social commitments, and steadfastly engage in the insatiable economic expansion of the family unit.   

Boy, she really has 'our old boy' on a treadmill now!!!

For our Male, unable to keep pace with this new paradigm, he soon resents this new reality, and begins to develop a generally grouchy demeanour. Our Female Mutation now begins to feel 'unloved' and soon engages in the highly political process of 'withholding her affections'.

Due to his gender programming, the Ubiquitous Occidental Male doesn't fully understand the transformation happening to his beloved wife, and is unable to properly communicate his frustrations to her, causing him to make attempts at mastering the art of telepathy.. by now he's beginning to feel very insecure, or even 'trapped'! 

"Ahh Ya Monkey!"

Thoroughly confused, at this point, the Occidental Male attempts in vain to rekindle 'amorous relations' with the Female Mutation. Sensing his desire to appease her wrath, the Female quickly stonewalls the Male until the Male is able to somehow 'get with her program'. If our Ubiquitous Occidental Male is unable to do this, the Female Mutation will then proceed to nag him incessantly by becoming quite crabby;  as she is now becoming a general drag on his daily existence.

Bravo Occidental Female Mutation!  our Ubiquitous Occidental Male's 'fragile ego' is now thoroughly and completely shattered!

Living a life of misery, our Male can now see only three options available to him: 

1. Infidelity, (cheating on his wife, having a mistress, boinking the neighbour, or seeking the services of a prostitute)

2. External Violence (manifesting against either his wife, kids, or a fellow co-worker, in the form of 'Road Rage' or perhaps against the 'asshole' husband living next door)

3. Self-Violence (alcohol abuse, and other substance abuse, and other extreme forms of self-hate) 

Once the Male has selected anyone of these three options, our shortsighted and Ubiquitous Occidental Male has earned the privilege of having chosen his method of self-destruction.  Perhaps this is his roundabout way of avoiding a painful confrontation by provoking causality directly.

Our Female Mutation is now 'free' to file for a divorce, by the legal and administrative process of taking her now former Ubiquitous Occidental Male partner to 'the cleaners'. 

There's 'good news' though!  Our 'Ubiquitous Occidental Male' is also now 'free' to pursue a new course of becoming 'trapped once again' by yet another 'Occidental Female Mutation' anxious to take whatever of his measly resources remains.

Now our 'Occidental Female Mutation' is free to spend her afternoons sipping lattes at the corporate franchise coffee-shop of her choice, whilst texting anyone of her 508 Facebook 'friends', or to perhaps even experiment with her newfound sexual orientation.

For the Occidental Female Mutation it's: "Mission Accomplished!"  as she has now both 'procreated' and secured precious resources. And although our Male may never be totally free of his financial servitude, he is at least free from living in a house on a day-to-day basis with 'that fucking bitch'.

Winner: The Occidental Female Mutation,

Silver medal: Our lowly and Ubiquitous Occidental Male, 

and the loser(s): 'the kid(s)'.

So until next week…This is Marlin Gherkin saying 'so long' from 'Un-Mutual of Omaha's Wild Human Kingdom'!

Dirty CT   December 2011

The Problem

What's The Problem, and who is at fault?

It's not solely the fault of those evil and greedy corporate banksters,

nor the conspiracy theorists, or even the Occupy Wall Street crowd. Nor is it Al-Qaeda,

Alka-Seltzer, Al Capone, or ET Phone Home.

Nor is it the fault of M. Ahmedinejad or his half-brother James Dean-ejad, and it's certainly not the fault of the 'hedge fund hyenas', or Carlos 'the jackal', nor is it Jacques Brel, hair gel, the Eurotrash or Eurozone, the Marxists, the Feminists

the Atheists, the Christians, the Jews, the Blacks, the 'All-Blacks', black licorice, licorice root, root beer, root canals, The Panama Canal, Manuel Noriega, manual labour, the Labour Party, Gordon Brown, 'GoldenBrown', The Stranglers, 'new wave', the Mexican wave, tidal waves, tsunamis, Lao-Tzu, General Tao, Colonel Saunders, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Butter Chicken, Mango lassis, collies named 'Lassie', Rin Tin Tin, 'Snowy' the dog and Tin-Tin, The Tin Flute, Doug Flutie, The CFL, The NFL, the WLAF, The WWF, The W.H.O., The Who, Doctor Who, Horton Hears a Hoo, Tim Horton's, Dunkin' Donuts, Krispee Kreme, the 'Disraeli Gears' album by Cream, The 'White Album', The Beatles, the Rutles and Dirk McQuickly, Eric Idle and Monty Python, The Holy Grail, King Arthur, Bea Arthur, Maude, The Mods, the Rockers, Quadrophenia, nor schizophrenia.

And please don't blame our problems on The Knights Templar, Simon Templar, The Saint, The Prisoner, The Fugitive, Richard Kimble, David Janssen, 'Harry O', or Hawaii Five-O, Hawaiien Punch, Punch and Judy, Judge Judy, Judgement Day, Armageddon, Revelations, Genesis, Phil Collins, or even Judy Collins drinking a Tom Collins, or a Harvey Wallbanger, watching 'Harvey' the invisible rabbit, starring Jimmy Stewart, who was also in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, with John Wayne, or Wayne's World with Mike Meyers, or Oscar Meyer, Oscar Madison, Madison Square Garden, the garden of Eden, Barbara Eden, I Dream Of Genie, Bewitched, Dick York, New York,, the Manhattan project, Project Blue Book, The Roswell Incident, Area 51, Studio 54, Disco Music, Rap Music, or Gil Scott Heron.

It's not the fault of Don Cherry, Scott Oake, or an oak cask of single malt, pine wood mouldings, or mahogany furniture , nor is it the fault of Mahogany Rush, or Rush and Geddy Lee, Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Jet Ski, Gretzsky, Red Skis, Red Skelton, Red Story, Story Musgrave, the Space Shuttle, NASA, Nassau, The Bahama's, The Bermuda Triangle, Bermuda shorts, short bread cookies, the 'Cookie Monster', Kermit the Frog, Jim Henson, James Hanson's Global Warming, The Hanson Brothers, 'Slap Shot' with Paul Newman, Gary Numan, Gary Carter, Linda Carter, Wonder Woman, women's lib, The Liberal Party, The Tea Party, Sarah Palin, Michael Palin, 'A Fish Called Wanda', with Jamie Lee Curtis, Tony Curtis, Tony Randall, Felix Unger, Gary Unger, The St.Louis Blues, G.I. Blues, G.I.Gurdjieff and PD Ouspensky, PDF files Jpeg's, J-Lo, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Paris, France and the Eiffell Tower or the C.N. Tower in Toronto, nor Tonto and the Lone Ranger, Clayton Moore, Michael Moore, Michael Douglas, Douglas Addams, The Addams Family, The Munsters, Fred Gwynn, Gwynn Dyer, Wayne Dyer, Deepak Choprah, nor the Ubiquitous Oprah, and her 'O' Magazine, Mad Magazine, M.A.D.D. or Mothers with A.D.D. autism, 'down syndrome', The China Syndrome, Jane Fonda, Henry Fonda in 'Once Upon A Time In The West', or The Wicked Witch Of The West played by Margaret Hamilton, Princess Margaret, the royal family, Pippa Middleton, Rick Middleton, The Boston Bruins, the Boston marathon, The Olympic marathon, Abebe Bikila, Ethiopians, nor Utopians,

Not only is it not the fault of George Bush, Obama/Biden and Osama Bin Laden, M Ghadaffi or Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny, Yosemite Sam, Sam I Am, Green Eggs and Ham and Dr Seuss, Hercules and the Mighty Zeus, the Centaur Newton eating 'Fig Newtons', or 'figgy pudding' and Bing Crosby, Jello Pudding and Bill Cosby, Sydney Crosby or Sydney Poitier, the Sydney Opera House, or The House of Wax with Vincent Price, playing the role of 'Egghead' in Batman with Adam West, or Mae West, or the 'May Day' parade.

It's not 'Jeopardy', nor 'the Wheel of Fortune',The Price Is Right and Bob Barker, Spiderman and Peter Parker

It's not so much the fault of Fox news, nor Michael J Fox, Michael Jordan, the King of Jordan

or the King of Rock n' Roll, Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello, Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy

Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Ubervilles, The Hounds of The Baskervilles, or an 'American Werewolf in London' or Jack London, Jack Kerouac and the 'beat writers', or The English Beat and 'Ranking Roger', Roger Ramjet, and the

ramjet engine, Mr. Conductor and 'Thomas The Tank Engine', St.Thomas Aquinas, St.Francis of

Assisi, or Francis Bacon with Eggs with Toast, nor even six degrees of Kevin Bacon…

The problem is: those godless 'Black Friday' hoards of contemptuous and gluttonous 'consumers' grabbing anything and everything they can get their greedy little hands on, without care or conscience of consequence, discarding all dignity whilst attempting in vain to landfill the vast wasteland of their empty and wretched existence.

Dirty CT November 2011

Coffee Mate And Empire Decline

The O looks like the @ sign (a bit)

 Are there any women who truly seek to bond with a man? If the answer is YES, then where are these women, clicking away on their Macbooks at cafe's? But If the answer is EVERYWHERE, then you must be able to determine which women actually WANT this bond, and by understanding their unique methods of communicating their desire. 

With whom do they wish to engage in this act of mating? And if it's possibly YOU, how must YOU act, speak and look, in order to reaffirm, and thus satisfy their desire? Another crucial question is: What also must a male not do? This, of course, will depend upon the whims and capricious nature of the human female. 

A man can easily sabotage a woman's desire for intimate sexual relations by revealing information about his individual imperfections which may in turn have the negative effect of 'switching off' a given females desire. It has been my observation that women are attracted to a 'perception of confidence', and turned off by a 'perception of insecurity'. 

As a prospective male, it's far better to be a confident fool or asshole, then a righteous yet insecure moral person, as it relates to the act of mating itself. However, the quality of ones life, should a relationship ensue, will likely suffer by maintaining a life philosophy of mutual bullshitting and deception, for you will attract those certain females of the species who are more easily seduced due to their lack of better judgement. 

Once a bond takes place, often due to 'mutual attraction', all the dysfunction inherent in these individuals then manifests as problems or drama in their collective lives.

The ability of the male to 'project confidence' relieves the fears of a foolish female, by virtue of her ability to believe the myth of the males projected security. Contrast this to the females repugnance of 'male insecurity', which agitates and exacerbates the female's already fearful disposition. The insecure male is actually just being honest in his realization that he is but a small factor in a very large and often judgemental world. The confident man perhaps realizes his insecurity, but plays the role of confident by the repetition of affirmative narratives, which he shields himself from criticism of, by focusing his attention on others who partake in a similar narrative, thus avoiding any serious challenge which could otherwise overturn a lifetimes work, and the careful construction, of his protective world view. 

The securely insecure man undermines his ability to procreate by dropping his external political barriers, often leaving himself exposed, which may frighten a fear based female, yet realistically should actually be revered by more evolved members of the female gender. The 'what you see is what you get' factor should, at least in theory, alleviate the female's fears of any hidden surprises or 'skeletons' in ones closet. 

The confident man is a manipulative man, a man who can think only in terms of his immediate wants without regard for the perils associated with his hubris. Perhaps from the standpoint of the female, the confident male does not really appease her fears but stimulates them through the promise of excitement, just as an adrenaline rush might accompany any voyage into a dark cave, or leap from a high mountain top. The excitement of trusting someone who she knows she should probably NOT TRUST,  is the appeal of what is often called 'the bad boy'; this is what he offers her, a joy ride, albeit an 'emotional roller-coaster' one. 

The less confident or insecure man, at his extreme, is at least a cautious one, a sensible man, one who methodically and tentatively plots his daily course. This certainty and monotony, although safe, is unbearable to a sense infatuated female. It's not what she's signed up for. In reality, what she wants is the best of both, but such men are rare these days, and I doubt whether most women would be able to recognize such a Man even if she were standing right next to him. Inability to raise ones awareness above normal perception dooms the bulk of humanity to forever be as a rat on a treadmill, exhausting valuable energy with none to little moral advancement. 

It is the females who do the choosing (make no mistake) and it's my belief they will forever be doomed to chose excitement over reliability. They first make the mistake of believing in the myth of the economic prosperity of the assertive and confident man as being a promise of 'security', when the truly sustainable and nurturing relationship is possible only in the reliability of the emotionally developed and much 'less confident' male.

The females desire for the more confident male probably stems from our distant past, when it was the males confidence and competence which was better able to shield the her from predators, provide resources, and protect her offspring. We now live in a world where these irrational fears no longer apply, yet the primal desires persist, which is what I believe keeps the world from making any significant moral progress, and getting past this perpetual entropic cycle of empire rise-peak-and decline.

Dirty CT   November 2011

Response Ability

 I would like to honour those who, due to their tremendous courage and compassion, have put themselves on the line, and stood up in defence of the defenceless. Despite those who profit from and exploit conflict at the expense of those combattants who sincerely want to help.

Something we all share

When should a nation or individual engage in conflict? Many claim to not like war, or make arguments to endorse it as a necessary evil, but it's much easier to make such a claim if they are not the ones who are physically engaged in the conflict. To actually put oneself on the line should not be motivated by the gratification of potential accolades or social approval, but by assessing the gravity of a situation, and making the necessary introspection into ones soul to determine honestly what ones role, and measured response should be.

Humans love freedom, and the soulmate of freedom is responsibility, a 'Response Ability' to one another directly, and in the informed ethical choices we make with the currency we spend. We have four 'Response Ability' options to chose from, let's walk through them.

choice number one: to over respond (violence, physical and verbal/to fight)

choice number two: to under respond (Flight/ to hide, run or cower)

choice number three: to not respond (defiant inertia, state of grace, arms folded at peace)

choice number four: a measured response (combination of pro-action, communication, and trust)

Let's throw away the first two, they both lead to no good, like putting past the hole, or falling short, both are failures. This leaves the last two. Obviously the correct response is a measured response, one which carefully balances the many variables at play (Force/Surrender/Trust/Respect) into a kind of sweet spot, we often refer to it as being in the zone, full integration of both right and left hemispheres of the brain. But collectively, as a species, are not there yet, we hope someday soon to be there, which is why at this point now we must chose the other option. 

The other option of which I speak is 'to not respond'. It can easily be confused with under response, but there is an important difference.

To not respond is to be meditative, to be the arbiter of one's cadence, it doesn't mean to never respond, merely to respond at a rate that is comfortable to the responder. Saving the potential to be used once a proper balance is achieved, however long that may take. To not respond is to say no to manipulation, to chose not to chose, to wait until an intuitive understanding is achieved. It can be viewed by those of action to appear indecisive, People who chose to act, perceive inaction as a state of limbo or an eternal purgatory. They act out of fear for the fear of he who hesitates is lost, when in fact he who believes he who hesitates is lost is lost. 

Fear will drive a subject to act irrationally, believing that any action is better than no action. Much of our foreign affairs policy is based on this, by at least having the appearance of being decisive. This is viewed by the unconscious members of the public as being infinitely superior to a flat footed passivity, yet M. Gandhi proved otherwise, and Lao-Tzu spoke of the pathless path as being the path to enlightenment. Non-response mesmerizes and confuses the fearful, yet it is ridiculed by them, it infuriates them, it holds the mirror to them and it forces their hand.

The Mirror will reflect the ugly fearful gaze back as truth, and this truth will cause pain, and those who hold the mirror will be hated, by those who hold hate in their hearts. The hate they feel is self-hate, but they will never blame themselves, to do this is to absorb guilt, and guilt is the hardest weight a soul may bear. This is why many people smother or deny their soul, and develop a thick callous to protect their true selves by the fabrication of and deification of their external ego. But you are not such a person, for if you were, you never would have read this far, my words would have caused you too much pain, and would have been rejected with a repulsion as water explodes when poured onto hot oil.

Those who are comfortable in their temples of self-gratification sense the walls of their temples becoming thinner and thinner. They hear the clock ticking tick tick tick, like Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Tell Tale Heart'. Humanity is calling, our race is crying out, those of us who sense we have done something which must be undone and must do that which is still not done, are accelerating their cadence with a deterministic confidence, precise and meditative, unflappable and unstoppable, on a mission to inject soul back into the dying heart of humanity, an attempt to jump start our dormant capacity for compassion, laid waste by the pacifying properties of our satiated desires. Lies, are now seen for what they are, Yet The fearful still seek to control, however the more they do, the more things get out of control. They destroy that which they fear, but that which they destroy returns stronger than ever, the higher they climb the ladder, the greater their fall will be. Now Seven billions awaken, and will scramble for their freedom enacting a measured response, before our little house burns to the ground.

You will be called spineless, or even 'passive aggressive', for you have robbed them of their motivations and justifications for  engaging in conflict, and because they know you have ascended to a level beyond the event horizon of external ego which they have been incapable of achieving. for them it's conquer or be conquered, and they wish to spread this meme throughout the planet, because in order to win another must lose. This is their drug, victory, acquired through struggle, to explain to them that the same goal can be achieved by not struggling is too much for them to accept. They hate you for your victory over ego, a conundrum they've not been able to solve. To go with the flow, and use the momentum of the attacker against himself is the foundation of gentle martial arts like Aikido.

Resistance is futile, comply, surrender, and watch their empires collapse under the weight of their own greed.

Be prepared to be mocked, slandered, ignored, reviled, your mirror shows them a reflection of their false self, they would rather die marching toward destruction than admit their lives were based on a false premise, yet always remember, although we may still have a long way to go, it's always better to be at the bottom of a ladder you DO want to climb then halfway up one you do not.

In a tug of war, let the rope go, your opponent may 'win', but I assure you, You will stand with dignity, while the 'victor' has fallen on his ass.

Dirty CT   November 2011

Bitches With Altitude (Fly The Unfriendly Skies)

Everything you could ever desire, young man

"Thank you for flying the unfriendly skies of BWA (Bitches With Altitude), please sit back and be comfortable, would you like your complimentary nuts served now? We can give them to you tied up, vacuum packed and 'roasted', or perhaps you would prefer them to be "CRUSHED"? Our 'soup of the day' is called REVENGE, a dish best served cold. Your in-fight magazine is available in the flap in front of you, please leave it rolled up so we can better smack you across the head should you step 'out of line'. If air-turbulence becomes 'too rough', and we have to make an emergency landing, crouch down and stick your head between your legs and kiss your sphincter muscle a final goodbye, should you somehow miraculously survive, make sure to then put on your inflatable vest before jumping into the choppy seas... oh, and don't forget to leave your wallet neatly folded on the top of your seat. A headset will also be made available for your listening pleasure, feel free to enjoy melodies from many different musical genres… however, if you're looking for 'love songs' written for men by adoring women, then FORGET IT!!!  There are no such songs in the discography of Humanity!!!" *

More often than not, I hear a 'similar story' coming from the lives and relationships of those I encounter on a daily basis. The narrative goes something like this: The guy is usually a kind of a 'happy-go-lucky' type, not unlike a big ol' dog, just wanting to joke, play and eat food, having a bit of fun from time to time, combining 'creative activities' with his daily work. But the sad reality is, these kinds of guys usually end up aligning themselves with very high ranking officials at BWA. As a man, to be dating or married to one of these types, is to experience a holographic parallel to all those other guys 'stuck' in a similar situation. 

'Likes attract', and knowing this, I refuse to solely accuse our uptight flight attendants. 

Usually, members of BWA are very "career oriented" individuals, who enjoy a "lifestyle" which combines elements such as 'Yoga' 'Weight Watcher's' 'Mac Laptops', and their accompanying 'iPhone' or 'Blackberry' in order to better 'text message' any one of their 508 Facebook "friends", whilst sipping on their Venti non-fat 'Chai Latte's' from Starbuck's. Why am I being so hard on these kinds of women? Maybe it's because I haven't been laid in a while, or perhaps it's because I held too much false hope for most members of the fairer sex, in comparison to the monster truck warring overgrown toddlers we call 'Men', Women were my last hope for our species. Now, to be a 'woman' it seems, is to celebrate and revel in this newfound bitchy power paradigm, as more and more Women are enlisting to become 'card carrying members' of BWA.**  

The worst part of BWA enrolment is intertwined with the unforgiving and immutable 'laws of attraction'. These princesses can always expect to wind up with any one of two types of male. The ubiquitous self-centred asshole whose personal obsessions mirrors the woman's own narcissism, or the "EUWW" also known as the Emasculated and Ubiquitous Western Wuss…there are very few exceptions to this rule. So for any man reading this, the first thing you must ask yourself when entering into a relationship with this kind of woman is: "Do I feel lucky???"  well, do ya, PUNK!?

Put down that weapon, Dirty HC

Entering into a relationship with this kind of woman (or so I've observed) is to tempt fate. But the 'catch' is this: due to any given BWA member's ability to highly regulate and withhold her affections, any man with 'low self-esteem' feels empowered once able to win the affections of this kind of woman, giving him all the ego-gratification of one who has just managed to 'bust' some kind of 'bitch bronco'…HEY, what a trophy!!!…But the reality is, she has only chosen at this point in time to play the 'nice' card, probably unrelated to any good thing you think you may have done!  (always remember, be careful what you wish for, "DUDE"!)***  

BWA attendants can be at times very 'nice', even supportive…they will laugh at your 'jokes' and even take an 'interest' in your 'passions'; the really skilled ones actually even believe their own lies. At this point, all seems to be going well, then you decide, based on this delusion, to take the relationship to 'another level', after all, she has chosen YOU above all the other guys, that's right "YOU", and don't forget what mommy always told you "YOU'RE SPECIAL!!!"   BWA has given you your new sense of self-worth 'externally', and for this reason, you are now dependent on HER for a 'safe journey', and when locked into a highly pressurized cabin at 36 000 feet, pulling the 'escape hatch' is just not an option.

BWA always Knows where it's going!

Soon the mood darkens, as you pass through a storm cell, you're both now at the mercy of any in-flight turbulence, because while you were eating your 'Chicken Cacciatore' or dozing off watching your 'in-flight movie', a BWA member managed to stealthily tighten your seatbelt without you realizing it (that is to say, all the points of mutual attachment: the car, the house, and in a worse case scenario,the KIDS)..  At that point, unless you are an unforgiving asshole alpha-male equipped with a golden parachute and a lot of nerve, you can kiss your autonomy goodbye!  

Now she begins to dictate the new terms of your reality, always knowing the Travel Authorities are on her side, she also knows her 'rights' better than you do yours…she can predict your behaviour in advance and has a sixth sense when it comes to understanding your deepest fears; she exploits your weaknesses and uses them against you, she controls your desires and your fears through a combination of positive and negative reinforcement, because at this altitude, she can't afford to be at the mercy, and capricious whims, of an irate male passenger.****

This is why the BWA flight attendant has kept her 'playing cards' so close to her chest all this time, she wants total control over her life, and at this moment, you are a piece of that life, like that soulless piece of Ikea modular furniture purchased together one rainy Saturday 27 months ago. If your wishes are not in concordance with her wishes, she must then at least have the ability to control you too. 

 I don't blame these women though, females have historically been shit upon by men, and perhaps this BWA phenomenon is simply our 21st century 'karmic comeuppance'. 

                                                                                ~END~

any resemblance in this post to persons living or dead is purely coincidental

*(Although many men have written songs honouring the first names of just about every woman who ever lived, from South Bend Indiana to the South Sandwich Islands, so far I've come up empty in my search for love songs written by women for men. There are some songs women have written about men, like Carly Simon's "You're So Vain", or a plethora of other tunes critical of men, none however have been written in adoring praise of their male partners, or more specifically actual men's first names. I have come to the conclusion that the only men most women truly 'love' are either (A) their daddies, (B) their sons,© their brothers or (D) none of the above…ok, possibly their hairdresser, or some really 'cool' gay guy.)

**(If you are a woman, ask yourself this question, for fun: "Am I a bitch?" How could you objectively know. What might be the characteristics of a bitch to one, might seem docile and feminine by another's standards. So based on this, I can only give you my subjective view of what a bitch is. A bitch is generally an pathologically unsmiling woman, one who uses the fear based repression of her gentle nature to intimidate, manipulate, and assert herself in social environments she is either threatened by, or assumes to be hostile. It is a self-defence mechanism she uses to protect herself based on the perception that if she doesn't, a highly competitive and manipulative world will either subdue or consume her, . This way of being probably 'works' for some women, or at least appears to on a superficial level, but the only way to truly determine to what degree it 'works', would be to gauge the level of tender intimacy these types of women achieve in their lives.) 

***(Remember, when observing a potential member of BWA,  I'm always convinced she wants to be MORE than just a member, what she wants is an actual 'member'! ;) ;)  I'm predicting, should we survive a 2012 Mayan apocalypse (which in my opinion, at this point ,is 50/50 at best), the next fashion trend to supplant tattoos and piercings will be 'hormone injections' allowing women to grow beards. moustaches, sideburns and 'soul patches'. And together with her newly casted and colour matching phallus, at that point, she can proceed to happily subjugate my gender, with all the deterministic fervour to which my gender has historically subjugated hers.)

****(My own experience with these kinds of women are as follows: when in a situation where it is impossible to make 'a flight connection', (ie: she is married, in a committed relationship, or sitting in a shuttle bus going in the opposite direction), then and only then, will you see her 'friendly' or even 'flirtatious' side. But cross her unprepared at an untimely intersection, or sit next to her at the airport bar, she will use all her willpower to avoid making any contact with you. It's actually quite astonishing as to what level she will go to to negate your existence)

Dirty CT   November 2011

A Gentle Nudge ;) ;)

I went down to Victoria Square to show my support for the 'Occupy Montreal' protest on Saturday. It's nice to be around people who actually care about the world they live in. The spirit to protest has hopefully picked itself up from many of it's growing pains suffered during the rebellious 1960's, dusted itself off, and now undergone a metamorphosis in this second decade of the 21st century; Now it's 'give peace a chance 2.0', providing a hope that we are not yet 'done' as a species. 

 "Does your wife, you know...'Occupy Wall Street?"

I'm not writing this perched atop my self-righteous 'soap-box', I must admit, it's only the second demonstration I've ever taken part in, I always viewed protesting to be useless guilt appeasing 'groupthink'.  My view had always been that a divestment from the elements of society and culture one objects to is a more effective means of communicating discontent and affecting 'change'.

But the tables have now turned on that much beloved aforementioned generation of Hippy protesters, many of whom chose to abandon their 'youthful idealism' for the immediate gratification of their newfound 'materialist idealism'.  There are many leftover from that generation who never did 'sell out' and I salute them, but others unfortunately succumbed to the pressures and 'immediate gratification' of shifting their ideals and allegiances ;)  They moved from one of protest, 'free love', and 'social justice' (and all the fringe benefits of peer acceptance) to a derivative of social justice called 'liberalism' which of course always remained subordinate to the construction of their personal financial empires (and all the fringe benefits of it's peer acceptance).

This new protest movement will gain momentum though, to the point where it will appear to define this generation over the narcissistic one which preceded them, and if I believed we had the resource capacity to endlessly repeat social cycles, I would say that most of those who will latch on to this movement would one day become like the calcified individuals who abandoned their 60's idealism for buckets of leveraged cash.

We all know how history does not repeat itself, but rhymes, and this movement, although similar to the protest movements of the sixties, actually has identified the root problem behind the dysfunction, which is banking (the debt based pyramid scheme thereof) the influence within politics of lobbyists, and the 'eternal' racket of corporate sponsored warfare (a.k.a. The Military Industrial Complex).

In the sixties, as a small boy, I had as much contempt as a five year old could possibly have for 'Hippies', I saw their vices, yet was too young to see the systemic injustices driving their rage by the imbalances of human greed and frailty. For this reason, I couldn't comprehend why these 'pot smoking', 'acid dropping', 'long haired freeloaders' were so pissed off, or how anyone could hope to engage a civilization by simply 'turning on, tuning in, and dropping out'.

The unfortunate consequences of being young and idealistic, is not to have had enough life experience to truly understand what levels of subterfuge other humans will stoop to in order to gain control over others, and also to what degree weaker humans can be manipulated. Many of these protesters are wise, considering their acknowledgement of their refusal to incorporate leaders in their movement. Perhaps many of them learned this apophatically through the coercive techniques used by Security at the anti-globalist G-20 and G-8 demonstrations, or by simply taking Sun-Tzu's advice and choosing to remain formless.

The calcified Grandmas and Grandpas who must be looking on with disgust, squander their acquired wisdom, by apologizing for, and actually defending the status quo. They find comfort with beliefs that the system we have set in place is the best we have at the present moment, so let's not rock the boat too much!  It's an easy position to assume if one has a yearly income which well exceeds the national average, and which compared to most of the world, All of us here in the west fall into that category. From the perspective of someone working at a 'call centre' or 'sweat shop' in Asia, the recent spirit of protest in developed countries might appear to be nothing more than a pathetic 'mea-culpa' propagated by 'spoiled westerners' sensing the collapse of their idealistic globalist financial system. "Where were you before everything turned to shit?" they may just be asking.

Right now, Egypt is going through hell. After rising up to excise their malignant 'Mubarak tumour', the rapid rate at which this transformation has happened has created a power vacuum, and Egyptians are currently experiencing the horrific blowback from this political paradigm shift. One could argue how any radical transformation of our current system would not engender as bad a result as what's happened in Egypt, because our desperation is quiet and not as palpable here in the first world. Should our system fail us or change due to a 'sudden revolution', we would probably experience a 'grace period' until either our patience and/or economic conditions begin to rapidly deteriorate, and at that point, the opportunists will most certainly come marching in with their 'solutions',  however extreme they may be. There was once great hope in Russia, after the Bolshevik revolution, with the Romanov's gone, and the experiment of Communism in it's infancy, delusion and hope at that time reigned supreme, until…

 Although we have a very different culture than that of Egypt, or 20th century Russia, these differences are merely window dressing compared the similarities which bind us... the fact that we are all human beings, forever wanting freedom from external control, yet all too often react violently to injustices by ruthlessly scapegoating other ethnicities perceived to be the 'enemy', all the while consumed by the psychosis brought on by the abdication of personal responsibility, one where we elect 'leaders' and their political parties who in turn volunteer to do the dirty work of parental governance, so that the rest of us can go about 'living our lives' and 'having fun'.

We here in the west have accomplished much greatness, and yet also have mastered the art of global injustice to 'near perfection'.  When one considers that half the world's population lives on less than two dollars a day, we must face the fact that our guilt driven foreign aid dollars are just not making the cut. Our government's have happily supported 'evil regimes' when it was 'in their interest to do so', only to destroy them with propaganda and military intervention once the offenders outlived their usefulness.

A good example of what I'm talking about is this recent campaign to discredit Iran, by claiming it's highly skilled Quds forces masterminded an extremely sloppy assassination plot to kill the Saudi ambassador to the UN (how Iran could possibly benefit from this assassination, or by provoking the ire of the west, is one tall tale I'd love to hear). 

It's well documented how Western leaders have been beating the drums of war with Iran for a long time, Spreading paranoia about Iran's plans to build a nuclear bomb. Also by jumping on any thing M. Ahmadinejad says and twisting it any-which-way in order to vilify him. History is replete with false flag events used as a pretext for war. The last notable one being the 'weapon's of mass destruction' fallacy used to jumpstart the war against Iraq.

 What is so appalling is that whenever it suits the agenda of our well funded 'leaders', they choose to abandon 'due-process' by employing extremist policies of 'shooting first and asking questions later'. This recent crisis is an issue to be resolved solely between the Saudi's and the Iranians, without the involvement of the current US administration. It must be brought before an international court in the Hague, so it can be determined who is responsible for doing what, and THEN, and only then, can countries like the United States usher a correct political response. This hasty desire for America to execute 'justice'  has to make any thinking person suspicious, especially given the specious evidence presented in this latest plot. If the Corporatist/Globalist powers driving foreign policy chose to escalate this nonsense to one of military conflict, I believe global consciousness is now such, as to effectively put a PERMANENT END to this hijacking of the common good, ending the capacity of those waging war and more importantly those within the power structure lying just below the surface of it's visible components. to them I say "Check Mate!"

Our Protesters however, see through all this bullshit, now infused with the true democratic and patriotic spirit of action, one which has been born out of the sober realization of the impotency of ones 'vote'.

At the protest itself, I could see some radicals were indeed present and who were using this opportunity to rally and hopefully guide the faithful into believing how only a Socialist, Nationalist, or Anarchist response is needed to combat our current pernicious form of capitalism, when the truth is, we don't even have capitalism to begin with. When profits are privatized and losses are socialized, all we have is what Benito Mussolini once described as: 'Corporatism'.

All that has ever been needed is a moderate, highly regulated, global capitalism, one of small business and small government, one where actual laws prohibit the raping of resources from less developed countries, and one where a small but thrifty government can regulate these monstrosities, in order to prevent the 'positive feedback loop' generated by large banks and corporations... in other words, to help prevent their rapacious greed from driving civilization off a fucking cliff. We the people have been all too happy to cooperate with this madness through both the consumption of this nonsense, and general passivity. Remember, all this must be kept in mind before passing any kind of ultimate judgement.

Those who 'protest of the protesters' will miss out on all the fun, like the Grinch who stole christmas, cynically deriding the protesters imperative for systemic change.  The large Banks have failed due to the caloussness of their own greed, and have tried to persuade and frighten us, with help from our elected officials, with catchphrases like 'too big to fail', or that somehow we would be incapable of functioning in a world without them 'doing God's work'. Yes, without them, the 'system' would collapse. A 'system' which allows the very few to take a greater portion of the 'resource pie' and carve it up into little bits like the eucharist at sunday mass, whilst expecting the rest of us to be grateful to them for doing so. 

The people and the protesters are standing up and calling bullshit!  And although we don't need a revolution overnight, there is a definitely a sense of urgency.  If we're lucky, we have perhaps about one generation to get from where we are now, to where we need to be, so that our little vessel called civilization doesn't get sucked into the 'event horizon', which is the logical extension of our current far-right political/economic methodology, and the inevitability of a totalitarian, oligarchically controlled, neo-feudal police state. (don't laugh, now or then!)

These protests are hopefully a 'gentle nudge' in the other direction. By the simple act of fostering a culture of defiance, there is no need yet to have a clear agenda as to where we need to go. At the moment, we must stop the ship and reverse course immediately, once that is accomplished we can only then set out on a new course! 

One young man at the protest had a cardboard sign around his neck asking the rhetorical question "How rich is too rich?"  a good question.  Like any sociopath, someone is too rich, when they lose the ability to empathize with, understand the needs of, and are clueless as to the day to day obstacles faced by those less fortunate than they are,. Remember, there is no such thing as rich without poor, if the rich fail to make accommodations for the basic human needs of those who earn less than they do (that is food, shelter and the ability to keep ALL the fruits of their hard labour), it will soon be over for us as an evolving species. Revenue sharing need not be confined solely to professional sports; I'm not talking 'socialism' so much as it is simply a responsible form of 'capitalism'.

It's important for the Oligarchs to remember too, that although providing 'soul destroying' jobs at low wages may offer employment, it does little to enrich the quality of anyone's lives, or the development and flourishing of 'human potential' within any given society. Without the infusion of proper inspiration, those ineffective 'individuals' rejecting these jobs are all too often viewed by elitists and those who stroke them as being lazy, whilst these same supremacists ironically bathe in the 'unearned riches' of their abstract financial 'investments'.

Radical but manageable change is needed over time, and the time to begin has begun. The protesters will be inheriting the consequences of the narcissism of my generation, We can only hope they will not judge us too harshly, despite the global and environmental circumstances which may dictate otherwise.

Protesting, therefore, is the left arm of defiance, and a systematic divestment from that within our society which has control over us, is the right arm.  It will ultimately boil down to the individual choices we must be conscious of when employing our one and only true power to 'vote', the money we chose to 'spend'.

Dirty CT   October 2011