Wednesday, March 21, 2012


All I am saying, is give pizza chance!
JustinBeaverlake said: Hey guys, what's with all this 'crazy talk' about attacking Uran?… you're liable to start world war three!

NutAndYahoo said: @JustinBeaverlake, Actually, we are trying to prevent it, Uran is developing their unclear program to make unclear weapons in order to attack USrael.

AhmedimaJihad said: @NutAndYahoo, This is false, Uran is a peaceful country, we only attack those who attack our country first.

Insanitorum said: @AmedimaJihad, Uran is the greatest threat to the security of USrael and hopes for world peace.

JustinBeaverlake said: @NutAndYahoo and @Insanitorum, WTF? Uran hasn't invaded another country in over 270 years, even the experts have said their uranium enrichment is not even close to being able to make unclear weapons at this point.

President_Obomba said: I'm a Nobel 'pizza prize' recipient, so if anyone (and let me make this perfectly clear), is in a position to say what is best for 'world pizza', it's me…and I say: "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb… Bomb, Bomb, Uran!"

MonEYEmason said: @President_Obomba, Look, even if your bombing ways don't manage to turn the surface of Uran into a metaphorical pizza, at least you'll be generating lots of juicy contract$ and profit$ for Bank$ and the corporate shareholder$.

GrinchNewton said: @MonEYEmason, Correct, and what's good for the economy is good for world peace!

MittRomulan said: @GrinchNewton, I'll bet ya ten-thousand dollars?!

JustinBeaverlake said: @MittRomulan, Shut up Honky! @MonEYEmason and @GrinchNewton, Try spinning that one to the millions of 'collateral damage' enduring the blunt end of USrael's global 'war on terra'.

AlQaeda_Seltzer said: @MonEYEmason, As long as our lands and peoples are being oppressed at the hands of crusaders, our agenda will remain the same: "plop plop, fizz fizz!"

JustinBeaverlake said: @AlQaeda_Seltzer, Really???! You'd start an 'unclear war' to help END occupation and oppression??? not very bright, quite stoooopid!

ComeMisterTaliban said: @AlQaeda_Seltzer and @JustinBeaverlake, Let's face it 'Big Al' and 'lil beaver', it's not about oppression or terrorism, like what @MonEYEmason said, War is about profit...It's all about resources and bucks…Big bucks, and no whammies!

NutAndYahoo said: You people think WAR is a big joke? there's a lot at stake here!

AhmedimaJihad said: Did someone say "Steak"… or was it Pizza? Anyway, what time's dinner?

GyrospeanBailout said: @AhmedimaJihad, You want some toxic-tzatziki with your meal???!!

GrinchNewton said: @GyrospeanBailout, Stop, you're making me HUNGRY!!!

Vladigolf_Putt_in said: @AhmedimaJihad, Well, the sooner you folks "tee off", the sooner we can all make it back to the clubhouse for a little grub!

BenBernanKi-Moon said: Golf, Steak, Pizza? I say "screw QE-3!" let's just 'tee off' on Uran, and then go have some chow!

Dav_ID_CameraON said: @BenBernanKi-Moon, Potty mouth! That's me Queen you're talking about?!

President_Obomba said: Let me make this perfectly clear…I'll buy the beer!

MontiBurlesquoni said: @Dav_ID_CameraON, LOL! Maybe yo Queen's Mama can make US a bigga bowl-a pasta?!

AngelnicolasMerkozy said: And I'll bring a good german wine from the Alsace!

JustinBeaverlake said: @AngelnicolasMerkozy, I don't drink!

GeneralBetrayUS said: @JustinBeaverlake, No one's inviting you, punk, you're not part of the club!

AssadStateOfAffairs said: Does this mean y'all going to leave me alone now?!

NewWorldHorsDoeuvre said: @AssadStateOfAffairs, LOL! Did you say something?! I'm Sorry, (LMFAO) I wasn't paying attention... when's the next 'false flag' again???

EggsBenedictXVI said: I'll check the prophetic texts, and get back to ya on that one…mmmkay?

Wormwould said: Buy one now, get TWO prophecies at half-price!

HellAwry_C said: @EggsBenedictXVI, Methinks your little hat's screwed on too tight?!

PalinComparison said: @HellAwry_C, Not tight enough!…but "you go girl!" (Oh, did I forget to mention I have a 'Baked Alaska' in my window?)

Vladigolf_Putt_in said: Da, I can see it from Rush-a! (LOL!)

JustinBeaverlake said: @HellAwry_C and @PalinComparison, Hey, why you 'dissing' tight fitting clothing?

EggsBenedictXVI said: @JustinBeaverlake, Hey Beave, I know a nice children's clothing store, How's about I take you 'shopping' sometime?

UCantBsyria said: @EggsBenedictXVI, Want a good deal on clothes? Come to De-mask-us, our people will take care of you nicely!

GyrospeanBailout said: No, come to Grease, you would be impressed by the size of our olives!

AngelnicolasMerkozy said: @GyrospeanBailout, Big olives?(lol)…Wunderbar!

AhmedimaJihad said: I'd settle for an olive branch.

Dirty CT March 2012

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Simon Beck's Racquet Racket?

Hey, I'm not out to get this guy, 'Simon Beck',  or even disprove his assertions, but I do require some 'simple proof' in order to believe his extraordinary snowshoeing claims.

However, this possible attempt at subterfuge is urging me to yodel "charlatan-esque melodies!" from the icy top of the Matterhorn, to the cartoon peak of the Schmatterhorn. How many thousand 'Kronkites' is 'Simon Beck' getting to re-trace a snowed over 'snow circle' at a posh ski resort in France?

One of the values first imparted to me as a child is how "two wrongs don't make a right" yet fully knowing this, I've still decided to don my 'skeptics hat', and temporarily indulge my Alter-Ego , in this not so odd case of 'role reversal'. 

Since I usually give more credence to less than popular beliefs and claims (often leaving me isolated and shivering alone on the other side of societies 'fence of respectability'), holding these relatively extremist viewpoints keeps me at least one step removed from the balsamic ghettos of those deeply entrenched within the 'Two Cheek Kiss Crowd'.

The Agony of de Feet
What an odd sensation it is though, pretending to be a skeptic, and how very exhilarating too! I imagine this must be a similar sensation experienced by a Crossdresser while putting on a brand new pair of shiny red pumps, or maybe it's even comparable to the thrill a blossoming young lesbian might feel whilst fastening on her very first...ahem, 'appendage'?

Nevertheless, I like these new skeptical sensations, yes sir indeed ...oh the power, oh the respect!!

Seriously though, I want to look a little closer at Mr.Simon Beck's claim he's created massive and complex 'snow art' formations near Les Arcs 2000 ski resort in the French Alps, and try to determine whether or not he's the 'real deal' or just another case of 'Doug and Dave' 2.0

The Plot Thickens!
1: Look clearly at this first image, which is of a very detailed and highly complex snow formation of unknown origin. At this point, there is not yet an attempt to direct ones attention to his Facebook page by virtue of the untouched and pristine snow on the slope-face to the right; it also looks like someone has cut across the formation from the above slope to take a peek.

2: Looking at the second photo (below), it has now become a completed design, taken under different lighting conditions of course, while proudly displaying a plug for his Facebook page. (in the shadow on the slope to the right)

3: Looking at the third image, taken from Tim Wilson's Mad Dog Ski article Snow art in Les Arcs, we can clearly see a person tracing over the old design after it had been blanketed by a snowfall.  It appears that someone (perhaps Simon Beck?) has pounced on the chance to do a little 'damage control', and with it, a wonderful photo opportunity. You'll also notice, if you look closely, that there is a very pretty pattern in the snow right next to the circular one, but if you follow the timeline, the whole thing just doesn't add up. This third photo, depicts the Facebook plug and faint shadows underneath the blanketed snow; it clearly doesn't precede the first two, as we're expected to believe.

Who is This Mystery Man?
I suspect, as I mentioned in my previous post Yellow Snow Job (or 'Taking The Piss'!), that Mr.Beck had no more a hand (or foot) in creating these formations than the 'Travelocity Garden Gnome ' had in creating either The Eiffel Tower, Mount Rushmore or The Great Wall of China!

What we see on his 'snow art' Facebook page, are pictures of 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck' striking his mandatory half-frozen ex-pat pose (a veritable UK Ötzi'), and with it, an impressive collection of photographs showing his 'art' during different stages of it's development, BUT not in any one image do we ever see a close-up of 'Simon Beck' actually making his 'snow art'.

Adding to this mystery, these portrait photographs below (supposedly of a British man named 'Simon Beck'), do not even remotely resemble what I would consider to be an Englishman.  Being somewhat familiar with the UK and France, I can easily say this man looks to have french or even german phenotypical characteristics, rather than english ones. "Hold the scones luv... I reckon this man's probably a continental!"

In several images we see him high atop a cliff or slope posing for a choice 'photo-op', yet Simon says: "The main reason for making them (snow circles) was because I can no longer run properly due to problems with my feet, so plodding about on level snow is the least painful way of getting exercise" 
"Problems with your feet?" "Level snow?" Many of his alleged formations taper up steep inclines, so what in the heck is he doing scaling these slopes to complete 'his designs'...or posing for problematic 'photo-ops' for that matter?  Our 'intrepid invalid' is covering half the Savoie region with snowshoeing  'Savoie-faire'!

Unfinished Business
On his Facebook page Simon says: "I was so disappointed conditions didn't allow me to complete this one"  
Why? the weather looks pretty damn good to me!  Since he claims his designs can take anywhere between five hours to a few days to create, this nearly completed design appears to be holding up quite well under otherwise excellent winter conditions.

Trying to provide us with yet another narrative for his 'unfinished formation', Simon says: "Head Pisteur agreed to divert the black poles to mark the piste have been installed beyond design, but the message didn't get through to the guy driving the dameuse, who drove along the traditional alignment where the skiers can be seen skiing through the design" 

It's interesting how bad weather (or bad communication skills) forced him to 'give up' on this formation when the picture clearly reveals good weather conditions. He then manages to snap a shot of his creation while allowing absentminded skiers, and before that, a guy driving the dameuse, to spoil his magnum-opus.

What also doesn't make sense is how this guy has just appeared on the 'scene' so suddenly, out of virtually nowhere, at a very ripe-young age, with no precedent of ever having produced complex snow patterns. Every internet article I've read about this guy seems to be a mere rehashing of the other, yet nobody appears to have ever actually even met the guy, basing their artistic praise solely on images and claims posted on his Facebook and Yahoo Groups pages, or the multitude of other chimera like inter-web articles online.

So why would anyone want to 'hoax' something like this, or even bother to make a false claim? A fair question!  The answer to this question is limited simply by the confines of one's imagination (and I won't even DARE mention the 'A' or 'C' words!). Anyway, the 'burden of proof' doesn't require me to speculate on his motivations, the challenge really, is for Mr.Beck to prove his claim true!

Personally, I'm not a fan of the 'Simon Beck theory', it's kind of a 'poison poisson', a 'crappy carp' mixed into a bowl of 'mealy Müesli '!  Given the similarity to the crop circle phenomenon, in particular the '3D Plus' design shown below (which is a virtual copy of the UK crop circle to it's right), these designs indicate to me they are the work of a similarly advanced yet stealthy intelligence.

So the challenge to 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck' remains: "Where's the Boeuf-Fondu?"   All he needs to do is provide us with several photos of him working on an equally intricate 'snow art' piece at different stages of it's development, including close-ups, and distance shots… or even better, a time-lapse video!

He could even post some online tutorials, or sell some 'How-To DVD's' on!   Living in a snowy climate, perhaps I too would like to learn how to master his unique technique for making 'snow art'?

A simpler possibility would be to have him post his next 'snow art' design on his Facebook or Yahoo Groups pages a week or so in advance of his next creation, that way, any interested parties could sit back with a big steamy cup of Suchard Chocolate and watch Mr.Beck do his 'thang'!   Simple enough right...or maybe it's supposed to remain a secret?

Magic Mushrooms
A path to higher consciousness?
This 'Space Invader' design is probably my favourite, of which Simon says: "OK those are supposed to be magic mushrooms, would anyone with expert knowledge on the subject like to comment on their accuracy?"

Comment: I find it unlikely that someone would go to the effort of stomping out a detailed design of the Anamita Muscaria mushroom without first knowing what it is he's actually designing.

Cubes and Flakes
Even his 'snow flake cube design' (below-middle) is a recreation of another formation (below-left) posted to his site in September. The only difference here is September's post runs into the side of a mountain!  Why would an 'Artist' be so meticulous in all his methods, yet be unable to scale then centre his formation properly, and running it instead, into the broad side of a mountain?  On this one, he wasn't even close... I guess it must be another side-effect of those damn mushrooms?

Shovelling it!
One crudely executed formation is an obvious hoax (below) It's a design made on a frozen lake depicting an interlocking 'Star of David' pattern, which in turn forms an even bigger 'Star'. The only problem with this formation is: not only is it poorly crafted, in comparison to the others (he claims to have used a shovel), it's also 'off-centre' and precedes to run into the banks of the lake at the very top (and with room to spare at the opposite end). I imagine it was probably done AFTER ingesting copious amounts of that dreaded and aforementioned alpine fungus? 

Shovelling it indeed, a nice try though!

Simon says: "Would have been more intelligent to start in the centre of the lake!" 

No, really? I find that more than an understatement for such an otherwise meticulous artist.  Mind you, had he started in the middle of the lake, the formation would have been WAY OFF, simply because there's no detail to work with at the centre of this piece.  Even if he had started in the centre, he would have then ruined it by having to track across the fresh snow in order to work the design around the perimeter. "Simon, you got some 'splaining to do!" 

Only Mr.Beck, or those who've actually ever met him, know whether or not he's being truthful in his claims, or whether he's just shovelling us another snow job!

So Therefore...
My purpose for writing this post was to point out how we must at times take the simple word of others at face value, in order to function properly in the world, otherwise we can waste our valuable energy, like I've just done, overturning every suspicious stone in search of the truth behind extraordinary claims, life's little mysteries, or even the 'snow art' of 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck'

We must ultimately trust our gut, which is an intuitive understanding based on the vast amount of information gathered and processed by our subconscious mind, which allows us to 'feel' the authenticity, or inauthenticity, of any personal, collective, or institutional claim.

OK, I'm through now, it's time for me to 'get a life', kiss a woman, or watch the ballgame. Hey, maybe I'll even listen to my gut and go grab me a case of Budweiser beer, and a big blue bucket of battered Buffalo wings!

Dirty CT   March 2012

Piker's Peak
Starring Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Yellow Snow Job (or 'Taking The Piss'!)

Product of an afternoon stroll?

The latest 'internet buzz' now surrounds some guy named Simon Beck, a perhaps Charlatan UK, living in alpine France, who's claiming responsibility for creating some very intricate and vastly complex 'snow circles' (think 'crop circles' in the snow).

Travelocity, eat your heart out!
I'm calling 'bullshit' on this one. Everyone seems to be consuming this inter-web pablum at Facebook value, but, as those nasty Skeptics like to say: "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence!" Since my skepticism is never so pathological as to identify with the moniker of  'Skeptic' or 'Debunker', I don't require anything as absurd as 'extraordinary evidence' to validate Mr.Beck's 'extraordinary claim', just a little 'simple proof', that's all!   
Instead, what we see are pictures of a bearded man, who we assume to be the artist Simon Beck, posing half-frozen like some Tyrolean garden gnome, overlooking examples of his artistic 'Savoie-Faire'.

Crop Formation Relation
These snow patterns bear a striking resemblance to the 'crop circle' phenomenon in the UK; a phenomenon which, after all these years, has yet to provide us with a proven and credible creator. The only thing needed to do this is a camera, and perhaps four or five photographs of a 'crop' or 'snow circle' being created during different stages of it's development, that's all, over and out, and then we can all go about our merry way.

This story, I'm afraid, could be just a case of 'Doug and Dave' 2.0… remember them? They were the old codgers in the UK twenty years ago who claimed responsibility for creating some intricately complex crop formations. They claimed to have created their 'circles' using merely a few boards and some rope. 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck' claims to have made his patterns using a process of "reverse orienteering" courtesy of some string, his snowshoes and a good 'sighting compass', whatever !?! …show me the money, and where's the beef?

a helicopter drop helps too!
Cold Hard Research
I've done quite a bit of research on ye-olde internet looking for that proverbial 'needle in the Igloo' which could, just maybe,  provide some reasonable evidence to support Mr.Beck's claims and technical brilliance. I have scoured through the greasy grime of Google's search engine, and scanned the vast wasteland of YouTube purgatory, and so far have found no evidence that supports Simon's claim. However, I did find a plethora of grade-8 plagiarized internet articles on Simon Beck's 'snow art' ripped from his Yahoo Groups page or Facebook, but nothing much really pre-dating February 4th 2012…interesting?!

One comment posted in a thread I sifted through came from a person who managed to ask this logical question: "Do you have time-lapse video of your work?" All 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck' has managed to say on his Yahoo Groups page is: "there is a plan to make a time-lapse video, I hope!" … I hope? What does that mean??!!!  Is he hoping there's a plan? pretty vague I'd say!  
Here's a challenge…let's have Mr.Beck draft out a design, replicate it on a large scale using a similar 'degree of difficulty' like those of his previous alleged formations (such as the making of 'straight lines' up inclines whilst plodding away in snowshoes). Why do I surmise this will never happen? Why is it more likely that 'The Powers That Shouldn't Be' will strike Iran and ignite World War III, before this humble challenge is ever met?

why scale it when you can climb a difficult slope?
Fool Proof!
Alas, maybe 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck' could care less about proving to me, or anyone else, whether or not he's the true mastermind behind these manifestations?
I suppose that's his business.  What so astounds me though, and this is my real reason for  writing this post, is how quickly, and easily, many people ingest an internet claim without ever even bothering to first investigate it. "Oh, let's see now, a man with sore feet, creates complex 'crop circle like images' in the French Alps at high altitude walking around in snowshoes with some string and a 'sighting compass'!…
Okay, I'll buy that…now Honey,  pass me the Budweiser beer and a big blue bucket of battered Buffalo wings?!"

The feedback on the various 'comments boards' have also been so predictably nauseating, a veritable cesspool of consensus trance cheerleaders enthusiastically praising Mr.Artist Beck's work. They appear to be so relieved and giddy to learn that this near impossible opus was simply the product of a few hours of hard labour by a mere mortal! 
Well 'Hip-Hop' hooray! Now there's no longer any need to challenge one's world-view, so just keep on consuming cheap chinese products forever and a day… the mystery is now solved!… let's not dig any deeper, serendipitously uncovering a truth we dare not find, like the possibility perhaps, that these images were NOT made by, nor will EVER be made by, someone named Simon Beck, Simon LeBon, Paul Simon, Ron Paul, Simon Templar, Simple Simon or Simon Says!

The fungal route to higher consciousness?
Hung Jury
Whosoever created these designs in the french Alps, and why, is anybody's guess. Yes, they could even be the handiwork of 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck', but until he provides us with some 'simple proof' to validate his 'extraordinary claim', the jury has to remain 'OUT' on this one.

Mention 'crop circles' and you will most probably be met with a concentrated dose of mild hostility, seasoned to perfection with a dash of ridicule, applied tenderly with a condescending 'wag of the finger', glazed over with a dismissive chuckle, and thematically accompanied by the humming of a few musical bars from the 'Twilight Zone'!  Now mention the 'snow art' of 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck', and suddenly it becomes: "Oh, isn't he wonderful? isn't he so talented?? those images are just soooo sublime… and what's even better, it's all soooooo very explainable, they're just simple patterns in the snow, made not by illegal aliens, but by a bearded ex-pat in snowshoes, so how about that?!  Oh, and how do I know his claims are 'true'??? because I saw it on his Facebook page!  so therefore, it's just gots to be 'true'!" 
The aforementioned bucket

Back to 'Reality'
The message from 'The Powers That Shouldn't Be' is clear:  "Go back to sleep all you 'sheeple', there IS no higher intelligence attempting to communicate with humanity, encouraging us to reconcile our rightful place in the cosmos. So hop in your S.U.V.'s and drive yourselves back to the mall, or plaza, or Wal-mart, buy another sixty-eight and a half inch Flat-Screen TV, feed the credit-fueled debt-based economy ad-infinitum, then go and get yourself a second mortgage, do anything to keep those toxic derivatives from imploding, buy up 'The Artist Currently Known As Beck's 2013 'snow circle' calendar, and for god sakes, get yourself a case of Budweiser beer and a coupla big blue buckets battered 'Buffalo wings'!!!"

Dirty CT   March 2012
my next post: Simon Beck's Racquet Racket

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Spiritual Mastery and Video Penance


I did a great yet horrible thing the other day, I bought an Elgato video capture device for my computer, and it works like a charm.

Video capture means I can now transfer old VHS tapes to digital, creating mp4's, Quicktime movies, and
DVD's if I wish, and then editing it all in iMovie to my hearts content… great idea, right?! 
No, not great, far from great, actually quite un-great… Why? Because now I have to painstakingly RE-WATCH all that crappy twenty year old video footage I've got lying around. 

At first look back, those old tapes can bring a smile to ones face, seeing past friends and acquaintances, outrageous fashions, rekindles memories of a more magical time in ones life…UNTIL, one watches, and listens to, the comedy cavalcade of soul diminishing ramblings coming in the various forms of acutely painful things blathered away juxtaposed against the multitude of other hair-brained misdeeds performed all those wasted years ago, and by none other than me, OUCH!

When I was really young, my Dad used to film my sisters and I on 8mm silent film. Since we were still very young, we were not yet terribly self-conscious, arrogant, or painfully irritating, and as a result, that footage has aged somewhat better than the dreaded video tape of the 1980's and 90's. Thinking back now, my self-opinion would have fared better had I taken up yodelling, learned to play the zither, while handcrafting my own line of alpine bavarian lederhosen.

An even greater sadness overcame me as I began to realize how, at the time, I was quite convinced how advanced a person I had become compared to any other previous point in my life;  I was probably right too, and that's an even scarier thought.  I believe myself to be a far greater person to the person I had been in those days, but 'greater' is a relative term. Is this not the same delusion I had believed about myself twenty years ago? It stands to reason that the 'future me', let's say the 'ME in twenty years from now', will look back regretfully at this woeful time in my life, enriched with all it's unique, awkward, and gut wrenching pangs of discomfort. 

Looking forward to being a more evolved version of myself means that I'm not all that I wish to be now, and if I'm lucky, the best I can hope for is to feel whole in and around the year 2084.

Maybe what I've done (buying this video editing device), in all my foolishness, is one of the most courageous things any person can ever do, which is to open oneself, and to look back soberly, under the harsh light of truth, at the profoundly anemic soul I once had been. Needing to be liked was so important, and to be ever 'funny', 'witty' and 'interesting'. Sadly though, I now realize what an unbelievably irritating person I had been in those days, and must still be! 

I'm not sure what was going throughout the minds of those who chose to associate with me, and tolerate my nonsense, all those years ago?  What does it say about their character, or lack of it, which reflects so poorly on them for having chosen to share my company? Their self-loathing and self-hate must have been an unspeakable pox.

It takes courage to look truthfully at oneself, but even those perceptions can be obfuscated by denial, time and other constructs of the mind… but videotape… my goodness, now that's the harsh light of truth!

I really had no idea how painful this life review would be… well,  I must have known, because I pretty much stopped videotaping others and myself many many moons ago… oh, and I've often wondered why nothing serious ever amounted between me and some of the women friends I shared company with in those days in question… well, now I know.

Yes, I will still sift through the wreckage of my former self, and attempt to salvage any minuscule video morsels of virtue I may manage to detect, but I know it won't be easy,  this VHS self-flagellation, this video penance.

Dirty CT   March 2012