Monday, May 16, 2011

Wankers Aweigh!

   Natural selection has struck once again with it's cold and cruel hand.
An Australian boy recently fell to his death from a balcony whilst attempting
'planking', a new craze sweeping a social networking sight called 'Facebook'.

 This 'craze' requires the person to lie like a 'plank' across a surface, and 
then be photographed in order to gain acceptance from that particular social group.

 I remember, courtesy of old 8mm home movies, how I'd attempted my own
version of 'planking' at the Expo'67 world's fair, many many summer's ago,
in the form of a 'personal silent protest'. 
 Happily I perfected my foray into the world of 'passive resistance' by 'mastering'
that particular activity, at the tender age of two and a half, and have been
able to proceed onward in life from that point in time.

 My 'planking' phase, unlike this recent phenomenon, was politically motivated  though;
I simply didn't want to do what my parents wanted me to do 
(in this case: go for a 'ride in the funhouse').

Medieval version of 'planking'?
 This new 'planking' craze seems to have no purpose other than to create a quasi-tribal 'sense of belonging', as strangers share pictures of one another performing the act of 'planking', which I point out, for the purposes of this post, rhymes with 'wanking'.

 I don't know about you, but when I'm 'bored', the last thing I want to do is pretend I'm a 'board', and 'wanking' will ALWAYS be the preferred activity over 'planking'.

 I don't want to belabour the 'planking' phenomenon anymore. This young man's death is yet another tragedy brought on by youthful misadventure, and is representative of an ennui that has settled into
our bored society. 
BUT, I DO, however, want to talk about 'WANKING'..., that much maligned willful self-indulgence and rarely admitted to, last refuge of the truly 'sane'.

 A man has four basic needs for survival, a roof over his head, food in his
tummy, his sacred cock, and an even more expansive imagination. It is for this
reason that 'wanking', or 'jerking off', is viewed by many to be an act of subversion.

 Food and shelter can be controlled by external forces, and therefore so can YOU...
BUT, 'wanking' is UNIQUE, it is one human pleasure which is completely
personal, doesn't fall under any government jurisdiction, and is absolutely free!
'Wanking' can be a tremendous stress release which, in turn, allows our brains
to produce, and thus reward our bodies with, all sorts of good and natural 

 I can think of no other activity which allows for a deeper level of awake meditative
experience, whilst being a portal to greater self-knowledge and philosophical understanding.

 'Wanking' is absolutely 'free of charge', disturbs no one, is un-regulated, pleasurable,
healthy, and produces no waste material that's harmful to the environment.
Let's face it, 'wanking' is GREEN!

The controllers and regulators of our society despise masturbation, 'cause they 
ain't yet found a way for them to profit from all this 'rubbin an' tuggin'.

 Pornography exist for those lumpenproles incapable of conjuring up sensual imagery 
and complex erotic scenarios using only the limits of their limited imaginations.
This seems to be one of the only ways profiteers have managed to 'muscle' their way into, 
and get a piece of, the 'wanking' market.

 One of the few tactics the controllers and profiteers make available to deny us the god given
gift of 'wanking', is to plant 'seeds of doubt' into our minds, in order to socially ostracize and 
ridicule those who 'act on their own accord'.

 It used to be a 'SIN' to 'WANK', once upon a time, when societal norms were decreed by the 
members of the clergy, but now, the lords of the new church, those using the same tactics of
social isolation, are the aloof and unsmiling hipsters referred to as 'cool people'.(see previous blog post)

So let's altogether sing the same song sung by sailors studying seafaring at the Naval Academies of yore...
"Come, all you wannabees...Wankers Aweigh!"-

Dirty CT May 2011

1 comment:

  1. Just read an article this morning about a Brazilian woman who won a court ruling which allows her to 'legally wank' at her office desk..."you go girl!"